I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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