Your face is a jimmy john
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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