drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
