I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
