Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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