Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
