the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
