so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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