yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have post one night stand depression
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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