so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize