You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
