my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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