So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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