We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
