oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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