so let's talk penis.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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