A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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