Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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