Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
