My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Houston, we have a blender
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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