You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
