Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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