I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
