I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize