Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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