Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
