I must be too annoying 4 u.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
