I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
