Where is the hickey?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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