he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
