I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
