Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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