Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
