i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
