Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
