My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
