i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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