I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
