can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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