our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
