I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
