He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
