I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
