she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
