if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
