I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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