just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
