Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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