i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize