i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
