Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize