he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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