you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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