I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
