In the future we'll all be gay
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
