Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
