there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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