I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
