apparently the secret to your success is patron
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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