Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the room spins SO much faster in panama
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
