taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
