so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
