he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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