Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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