I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
