your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
