So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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