Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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