Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
